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Sk00l dAze
Progression
Sunday, April 11, 2004 - 08:34 p.m.
Broken apart on a Monday
Comforted on a Tuesday
Burnt on a Wednesday
Improved by Saturday
Backslid on a worrisome phonecall on a Sunday
Confused by Wednesday
Rendered hopeful on Thursday
Finally repaired on Good Friday
That's the short, poetic version of the last two weeks, give or take a day here and there. It's been nuts. I'm much improved from the state I'd been in.
In other news, I have an apartment lined up! Little Gi-gi is fixing to spread her wingies and leave the nest. Pray for me. :P
Musings
Wednesday, March 24, 2004 - 08:14 p.m.
I'm really infrequent with this bl0gging thing here lately. I'm also a really bad long distance communicator these days. Although I've been getting calls from Aaron-sama almost daily now, and I really enjoy that. It's nice to talk to people who you know are on your wavelength 110%. I hope he decides to move his arse up this way, because someone's got to teach me to dance.
I'm getting more excited for Bonnaroo! Ween has been confirmed as an act now!!!! AHHHH! Noice. I watched a taped performance of a little ditty known as LMLYP, and it blew my freaking doors off. I'm so excited. Deaner is teh sex.
My jobs are going well. Just got a fat (for me anyway) check from the second, and Sunday ABP told me they're putting me in for another 50 cents. Personally, I think if I hold tight I'll end up Assistant Manager, which won't be too terribly different from what I do now, and I'll have some more control over my schedule. I think. That'd be rad. I sort of like working all the time. I've got to exercise or something in my own time, though, because I get so off-balance from having a stand up job and a sit down job.
The apartment search is a little rough. I'm torn as to whether or not I should actually live with anybody, or if I should try and make it totally on my own. I could do it, pretty comfortably. But I just don't know. My heart is beating harder these days about a lot of things, and it gets jumpy about this subject. I love my friends, I've discovered, but they do some stupid shit that makes me uncomfortable, and worried, and I don't know if I have it in me to clamp down. I actually think I do, but it's in my nature to be doubtful and nervous. It's healthy to a degree, but sometimes I let it get out of control. I'm better about it than I was.
I'm getting artistic again. I hope I can get my living situation settled so I spend more time at home so I can do more digital-type art, because it's really what I acheive the best results with. Besides, I owe Jay a picture of a ninja and I'm really not sure how I'm going to do it. My human-drawing is not what it could be.
I need to get to work on a birthday list. I'll put it up as soon as I come up with it. Basically anything from the X-mas list that I never got (i.e. most of it) is fair game, plus whatever stuff my greedy little brain comes up with. I want everyone to email me with when their birthday is, and how old they're going to be. I want to make sure I don't miss anybody's birthday this year. I'm sure I probably already have... *sheep*
Oh well, I have a drawing to work on. I have to return the sketch book I'm doing it in tonight or tomorrow, so I want to get as much done on it as I can. I might go see Dawn of the Dead later too, so I'd better get cracking!
out, (damn spot)
G
doo-dee-doo
Wednesday, March 10, 2004 - 11:44 p.m.
I've decided I really like hanging out with people. This set of folks I seem to have fallen in with make me really happy. They're all dynamic, and similar to me in some way or another, most of them are talented and all of them are clever. Of course I speak of the people I enjoy the most, and spend the most time with. There are always other people you know and talk to that are just okay.
I started messing with pictures, but they aren't quite ready to go. I'll make a big huge post when they are.
I've decided I really want to learn to play an instrument, or sing so I can perform on stage at least once. Just to be able to say I have.
My Trogdor "tattoo" is almost all gone. I think I'm just going to let it go. I've gotten the hang of drawing him, so I should be able to recreate him whenever I want.
I'm really putting a rush on this apartment thing for a multitude of reasons. One of which is the following: I've gone from a lax guest policy, to a tight guest policy, to apparently a no-guest policy. Which is crap. If I'm going to pay to live somewhere, I'd like some say in who can come into the house. At this point, I think I'm going to see about getting a place with Racheal. If there's gonna be anybody else, I'm not sure yet. Time will tell.
Time for this little birdie to roost. *yawn*
oi vey
Tuesday, March 9, 2004 - 11:42 p.m.
I feel like I got trampled by a giant radioactive mutant tarantula from outer space. ...in a good way.
Friday night I literally got stuck at Racheal's house. I have the pictures to prove it. (Coming soon.)
Sunday was quite possible the raddest night ever. Oh man. I have tons of pictures. (also coming soon)
I have way cool people to hang out with and I'm in love with pretty much all of them in their own little ways.
I really need to move out of my house soon.
I bought some color uniball pens. I've drawn more since doing that than I have in what feels like ages. I gave myself a bitchin' Trogdor temporary tattoo (which I keep refreshing) with them. I've had a few people say I should get it really inked in. :P
I have so many photographs, and if I am a good girl, by tomorrow night a bunch should be up at randomkitty! They're all black and white because those were the kind of cameras on sale, and I adore how arty it looks. If anyone can recommend a kind of cheap regular camera that takes smooth pictures with black and white (or color) film, I'd greatly appreciate it. I mean, I could just save up and get digital, but where's the fun in that? There's something rather satisfying about the click and wind of real film.
Gotta get some rest! I want to be up by 9am at the latest to do work and my friggin' taxes.
Latah,
G
It's shite
Tuesday, March 2, 2004 - 10:56 p.m.
I'm too needy. Too clingy. Too desparate. I'm going to fuck everything up. I'm going to give up. I'm going... to drink these thoughts into submission or fall asleep trying. Or maybe just fall asleep. Fuck. I'm so pathetic. I hope I'm summarily rejected by all the people I've brought into my life. It'll prove I'm right; it will prove that I am a worthless, self-centered bitch.
I guess you could say I'm having a rough night. How'd this shit start up? I hate being alone, but I think I deserve to be alone for all my stupidity. God, what a loser.
holy crud
Wednesday, February 25, 2004 - 10:00 a.m.
I've been hella busy lately. I don't even really think I'm going to be making this much of an entry. If you're concerned at all about me, out there in bl0g-reader-land, just know that I am - in the words of a Radiohead piece - fitter, happier, and more productive.
New and interesting:
- My family is moving westward soon.
- I will be moving to Dover.
- I have tickets to this year's Bonnaroo. Anyone else interested? I'd love to know who is going.
- I finally got to see Ian's band play last Sunday. I like it... except for the singer. Generic metal garbage, he was.
- I may be either sitting in on this kid Elliot's act next Sunday, or perhaps teh Racheal and I shall throw together some manner of quirkiness.
- I feel skinny and perky these days. It's pleasantly odd.
- I've been getting hardcore into Ween and the Velvet Underground these days, among other things. New music is the coolest.
I guess that's about it. If anybody needs me, my email still works, even if I'm not necessarily the most prompt responder. :P If anybody sees Aaron, tell the kid to gimme a call or something sometime.
d00d.
Friday, January 30, 2004 - 06:08 p.m.
So I spent the last two nights at Racheal's house. YAY fun! XD We closed together and I went and hung out.
It's occured to me that I am slowly becoming okay again. I constantly test and question it, because I'm dreadfully afraid of rushing to conclusions, but I really think it's possible for me to be human. Maybe anyway, the jury is still out. The urge to do retarded, drastic things has subsided, at least. I still have surges of guilt and confusion and sadness, but it's not overwhelming, just... painful.
It seems as though I'm reaching a state of comfortability with the people I have met since starting work at the mall that I never achieved in Jersey. It seems sort of harsh, but it's true. I always had this feeling of "they're Rob's friends" that I simply could not, or would not, shake. This may come as an unpleasant surprise to some, and for that I apologize, but I really was never 100% comfortable. There were moments of fluidity, where I was just as chill as you could like, but they were not the rule. However, I feel as though I'm coming into my own with these people I've met and spent time with. It makes me smile to think that ~I~ met people, was myself in front of them (dorky, uncoordinated, somewhat prudish in the substance usage department) and came out the other side pleased and apparently well-liked. It's pretty stupid that I wasn't able to achieve it before. Thinking about it kicks on the guilt cycle, and I really just don't feel like getting into that crap right now. I want to feel good about something for more than five minutes, goddammit, is that so much to ask?
In other news, I have just secured myself a second job. (YAY!!!!) It's an office gig. It may develop into me handling web pages. I'm really excited! I should start Monday, although they need to call me. I'll work mornings there and evenings at ABP until such time as this develops into full time or something else happens. I'm going to have way more money.
I also got all my W2s in, so I'll be getting my taxes back soon enough, too. (Rob, your stuff is all going in the mail tomorrow morning. :P) With all this cash, I'm going to fund a new PC, and a year's worth of (community) college level software courses online. I'm pretty frigging stoked.
Seems like things are falling into place. Seems like progress is occuring. I feel as though I should feel guity for it. Like I haven't earned the right to happiness or progress. It's something I'm turning over in my head like some sharp but glimmering object I just found. Will I hurt myself with it, or will it add beauty to my life? Will I hurt others with it, or will it all be okay? I just want to stop stressing. Progress can be so slow sometimes.
G
Er, ehmm...
Monday, January 26, 2004 - 01:04 p.m.
I feel as though I ~should~ be bl0gging, but I don't know what about.
I might go to Boston tomorrow night. (Or it might be earlier in the day. XD I gotta get in touch with da C and find out what her deal is first.) Proves to be a good time, provided I don't forget presents. XD Which was the whole motivating factor (besides the obvious) for the visit in the first place. I'm thinking mexican food, but that's not a must. I just need something relatively rich. Of course, there's always Fire and Ice O.o if we call ahead. Hee. Of course, there's no competition for time with a concert this go-round. I'll be super glad when teh C is officially 21, and the "why... of course she's of age" look can officially be used. I am such a bad actress, afterall. *giggle* Got to admit things went pretty well last time, though.
Speaking of concerts, I really want to go to one. Like, I want to see the Mars Volta again so badly. I'd also like to see Wilco at some point this year, assuming they tour. If anybody knows of any bands that are touring right now that I'd actually go see, tell me. I'm like, restless here.
I had a lovely date last night... with my heating pad. Ah god, I have never been so comfortably relieved of pain like that before in my life. :P I laid around, and read manga (I highly recommend PetShop of Horrors), let the Aleve do it's work in conjuction with le heating pad, and it was good.
Anyhow, I find it's impossible to keep up a conversation and a bl0g entry that I never intended to focus on to begin with going at the same time, so I guess this ends here. :P
G
Bwahahaha
Friday, January 23, 2004 - 10:43 p.m.
Behold, the coming of the drawing tablet brings also the coming of a new layout, and therefore a resurrection of the pitas! Huzzah!
I have every intention of being a jerk and just linking to here in LJ every time I post here. XD If you don't like it, you'll simply have to pipe up about it. Neener.
What do you think of the new layout? I kinda like it.
Speaking of the draw-ering tablet, I have made two creations not directly related to the doodles here.
Whee!! Excitement! I'm slowly getting a handle on how to use it, but it still feels very much like drawing with a crayon.
It just occured to me I'll need a new LJ icon to reflect this change of bl0ggitude. neat! Maybe I'll shrink down the moose.
G
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